Second Childhood

Second Childhood
Jibrael Jos, Karnataka Express, Delhi – Bangalore, Jan 2009
Context: Raising Children can be a lot of fun and sometimes father’s miss out on this due to heavy workload. I experienced the satisfaction one gets when one squeezes time for playing with children. The satisfaction is not in doing something which I am supposed to be doing or some contrived sense of duty but the sheer pleasure of living your second childhood along with your child and again not limited to observing the child

Five years back on a winter afternoon my daughter was born and two years later in another winter night my son was born. Success and happiness was redefined. Though I cannot claim to understand what love is but I got an understanding of what love can be. Somebody very nicely had put it that having a child is like letting a small part of your heart walk outside your body. So here was the two aspects of love which always alluded me “unconditional love” and the need to “let go” for the growth of the one you love.

Seeing my children smile and laugh is so very uplifting and on the same hand seeing them sad is heart wrenching. I am well aware what I am feeling is quite universal but the depth of it one feels only when one has experienced the same, just like somebody explains you the taste of Besan Ka Ladoo versus biting into one and sensing the texture of ladoo mixture and tasting the ghee and sugar literally melt in your mouth.

I had a head start with children, thanks to all my nephews and nieces I have. So the returns one get when playing with them is pretty good (in terms of the satisfaction) and when I had my own child the ROI on the same scale was excellent to put it mildly. The difference I guess is due to the bonding one develops over time when one takes complete onus.

Love Expressed is Love Enhanced
My children love singing, acting in plays, dancing, playing with blocks, playing hide and seek like most kids but what I really like is that they love to play with me all these things too
· They run with excitement every day I return from work
· They like to hear a story when ever they get a chance
· They love to share the stories and events which happened in their day at school
· They make birthday cards for my birthdays
· They hug and kiss without even requesting
· They pray for me at time of some exam and when I am unwell
· They share that they miss and love me when I am on some tour
I am sure you all have seen such miracles in your homes but how did this happen ?

Playing with children
At each stage of development there are different games which excites children. There may also be a variation in taste from child to child. Each child is a unique wonderful creation and measuring one against another just does not make sense, so on one side my son loves his favorite engine Toby my daughter loves her doll, but both love to play hide and seek and build with blocks. Adi loves the sea but my Anu hates the waves, Anu thrives with friends but my Adi prefers playing on his own.

Playing with children is the reason I call this my second childhood. Setting up the tracks for the train to run, building my daughters first play house with a bed sheet and two chairs (when she had not even learned to walk). Like most task you start loving it after you have put in some initial effort.
· Almost 90% of my days, whatever time I return from work I take time to play with my kids, read them stories, draw/paint with them.
· Every Saturday I take them out cycling and on the way we discuss different things, sometimes listen to songs on my mobile and sing along with it.
· Going to Church with them on Sundays
· Giving them bath on weekends with their bath toys
· Exploring nature / zoo
· Dancing to a song they like together
· Singing poems one after another
· Enacting plays like “ Red Riding Hood”
· Playing Train – Train with chairs
· Going to beaches and making castles
· Going for a movie with them and see them enjoy

With practice each one of us can do things which we would not have fathomed even possible in our wildest dreams. For instance I have stitched two dresses for Anu’s dolls. Not that I have done this before but stitching the sides on a sewing machine , giving a running stitch on the hem and stitching a press button and beads can be very satisfying compared to buying the same in a mall.

There are things that we sometimes consider it as a thing which the mother does by default but sometimes changing the norms can be very satisfying. Why not hatch up a meal for your kids on the weekend just a simple omelet with a little pepper and salt, maybe some pasta or Kebab keeping in mind of their palette.

Word of Caution
It is also important that children have time for their own, but I am sure in these career oriented times it is quiet impossible to be too obsessed but there are cases.

I buy a lot of toys because back in my childhood I had very limited toys and most were made by myself from tooth paste cartons and other loose ends. But on hindsight this economic drawback had its advantages, it developed an imaginative side in me and also a deep appreciation for things in life. So look out for opportunity to create an extra zing with your and your child’s imagination.

Over a period of time I saw that my children did not take care of the toys as much as I would have liked to take care of them and many got just dumped into the common toy box. I made it a point to make sure some of the key sets like train, blocks, animals and certain games I kept out of their reach and only took it down on their request maybe once a week. And I have seen them value it much more now.

Birthdays is a time when kids get flooded with gifts and again we need to make sure we do not end up creating an environment where a child gets satisfaction in only getting things and not in actually using / playing with these gifts. Also if the child has a set of crayons with her there is no point in opening a new box without need

Conclusion
I share these moments because many a parent loose out on this opportunity in their very busy lives and also for those who do this as their duty and take the joy and soul out of these activities.

So let us all take in this fresh air.

All good things come in three I have one more innings, my third childhood …….. (Grand Parents !!)